Chapter 13: Don’t Mind if I Do…


Ed Helms? The Office? The Hangover? Well…I went out with a guy who could have been the dentist’s twin brother.  He was pretty cute. He was funny and could talk with about anyone for about 10 minutes. But that’s about all he could handle before I felt like his brain was literally empty of all thoughts. It was a kinda odd thing to witness…I think if I could have read his mind it would have been something like, “Well…that’s all I’ve got. Let’s make out.”

We went from dinner (during which The Dentist authoritatively instructed the server to split the check, even after I had ordered at $4 side salad and a $5 glass of wine) to a neighborhood bar. He went to the restroom while I ordered drinks and left my debit card at the bar. We talked about nothing for the first round. I had downed my glass while I listened to The Dentist tell me about this ‘totally hot’ Asian girl that he had been dating last month. He went to the bar and returned with 2 more drinks. Luckily it was getting pretty loud there, so I was having a hard time hearing him talk about nothing important or interesting at all. I sipped my cocktail while looking around at the other patrons having way more fun than I was.

The Dentist eventually got up and brought back round three of drinks…and I managed to immediately spill almost all of it when I got bumped from behind. He got me another while I was still cleaning up the mess. For seeming so cheap at dinner, I was admittedly surprised by his generosity at the bar. “Oh my gosh…you didn’t have to do that! Thanks so much for all the drinks!” His response, “Thank YOU…I’ve been putting them all on your tab!”

Got back to my house and The Dentist needed the restroom.  He walks out, stretches, and says, “Well, so do I get to see your bedroom?” I laughed. No. “Ok. Maybe later…after we do this…” and he leans in to kiss me. Aaaand, it’s time for you to go home, Romeo. What a surprise that I declined when he asked me out the following weekend. He was perhaps looking for some free alcohol and a bedroom tour and I was looking for someone who could hold up his end of a 15 minute conversation about anything besides hot ex-girlfriends.


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