Chapter 1: Gum Guy


Rightly so, each of my would-have-been-suitors has his own name. Aptly named according to the situation, each story must remain separate and memorable to pass on to my children and my children’s children. “Kids, you cannot even imagine what I went through to find your father…”

I figure I should start at the beginning, in my younger years, when I was fresh on the scene of this whole dating thing. I was at the movies with a boy who shall forever be known as Gum Guy. Sitting side by side, it was our first date, so I’m sure we were both a bit nervous. At one point he put his arm around me and I’m sure my heart was about to beat out of my chest. Little did I know what was right around the corner…

Suddenly I begin to feel a distinct tugging sensation on my hair on the left side. I turn to face my date, and he is looking straight on. Ok. Back to watching the movie. About 30 seconds later, I again feel the slight hair pulling. I quickly turn my head to investigate and again find the boy looking on, seeming very engrossed in the film. Third time’s a charm, as they say, and finally I whisper harshly, “What are you DOING?” (long pause…) “Um…. (a longer pause), I think that my gum got stuck in your hair.”

Now. At the time, all I could think of was how we were going to get it out. (We ended up yanking/breaking off an entire section of my hair where the minty freshness was lodged.) Looking back, I will forever wonder WHAT in the WORLD Gum Guy must have been doing. Was he blowing bubbles and trying to sniff my neck at the same time? It had to have been a direct mouth-to-hair transfer! I would honestly pay money to have seen the look on his face as it happened.

Another point to consider… Gum Guy apparently thought that I wouldn’t even feel the repeated hair tugging on my scalp. Really? I suppose there is something to be said for covert operations, but that was just not a smart attempt at one. haha.

I know he must have felt so badly, because afterwards he took me to Dairy Queen and treated me to fried chicken strips dipped in gravy. He should have taken me instead to the salon to get my hair fixed. That would have been a much better idea than the gravy.


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